Dear Love Doctor,

TODAY while we were both in respective depressed moods at my off-campus apartment, my girlfriend jumped on me and started kissing me very forcefully. I told her I really did not want to and pushed her aside. I got up and she came up to me, pulled down my trouser and started groping for my manhood. I pushed her away but she kept forcing and forcing herself on me. I clearly repeated ‘no’ many times. Eventually I got away, as it was difficult because I didn’t want to hurt her, and she pushed me on the bed and grabbed my stuff and forcing it in her mouth. I tried to push her away but I didn’t want to hurt her, even though she was hurting me. Eventually I felt as though it was pointless to resist and just let her. I was not aroused at all but still ejaculated (is that really possible?). I sincerely feel so invaded, hurt, angry and most of all, it made me feel even more depressed, like I’m sinking into this black hole. I feel robbed of something but we have been dating for over four years and I’m a man. Should I feel like this? Do I have a right to feel like this?

From Richard.

Advice:

You certainly have a right to feel like this and this is an important issue you are bringing forward. Not having your girlfriend respect your refusal is extremely serious. Your boundaries were not respected; you were clear and clearly ignored. This doesn’t sound romantic, exciting, or sexy. It sounds degrading and controlling: two characteristics you do not want to have in your partner. You need to have a serious discussion with your girlfriend and give her a stern warning. If you still feel so hurt, you can go to the counseling center at your school and tell them what happened – not as a couple, but as someone who has survived a rape.

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