“A CERTAIN somebody inspired me to write about this. I love him very much and I hurt to see him feel the way he feels. You may learn more, do more, see more, but you’ll never be any more perfect than you are right this moment. You know who you are, open your heart.”

Most times it’s hard to make a man commit to a serious relationship. And that’s because most men are emotionally unavailable. So my question is ‘How can you make a man commit’? If he loves you, but he doesn’t want to get married, then you simply need to connect to him in a deeper way. It’s that simple.

So are you the victim of an emotionally unavailable man? Today, more and more men don’t want marriage. Instead, they prefer a “cohabiting” setup, where they basically settle down with a woman, have kids, and basically do everything a married couple does but without the marriage, and without the legal responsibilities. Of course, that poses a problem for us women! We don’t get any marriage benefits, and we don’t have any peace of mind. If he decides to leave, we can’t stop him, and there’s nothing we can do.

So why do some men avoid marriage? How can you make a guy who’s not interested in marriage change his mind? Here’s the bad news: When it comes to making a man love you...

(1) You can’t convince him.

(2) You can’t force him.

(3) You can’t blackmail him.

So if you tried using logic, force, or fear to make him love you, then you made a very bad move! But here’s the good news. While you can’t convince, force, or blackmail a man to love you, you can motivate him to love you. And that’s the great thing about us being women, we’re great motivators by nature! But here’s the catch: You have to learn how to use this special “motivating” skill. (Most women never do, and end up in miserable relationships for the rest of their lives. Don’t you make that mistake!)

Here are three ways to motivate an emotionally unavailable man to transform himself and start loving you too:

See If He has A Wounded Soul

Let’s quickly answer this quiz! When a man can have sex with you, but doesn’t want to get married, it means he’s a hopeless player. True or false? The answer is false. Sure, virtually all players love having sex with multiple women, but won’t commit to any one for fear of losing their freedom. But what about a guy who loves only you and no other woman but still doesn’t want to get married? That’s no player, that’s a “wounded soul”. I define “wounded souls” as people who have gone through some trauma in the past, and this is making them avoid taking certain decisions in life, such as getting married.

For instance, a man who got cheated on by a woman he loved may not want to get too involved with another woman. Or a man who lost his wife to an accident may not want to get married again. You get the idea. Here’s my message: Don’t be so quick to judge! Don’t call a man a player, and don’t treat him like one, until you’ve found out the reason behind his reluctance to commit. So how can you know what his “past trauma” is? Try and find out from him. Go way back, his background, growing up days. Try and find out if he had a great childhood or not; if his parents were separated at some point or one of the parents died when he was young and was boxed with the responsibility of becoming the head of the house at a very young age. Or maybe he was sexually abused when he was young. It could be a million and one things, but make sure you get to the root of the matter if you truly love him.

Make Him Give Affection Freely

Let me say that again -- you can’t force a man to fall in love with you. He has to fall in love with you all by himself! In other words, a man should be willing to give you his love and affection freely before he can even begin to think about marrying you. Think about it. If you were at a point in your life when you didn’t have the time, money, or energy to handle a relationship and a man tried to force you to love him, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t! So if a man isn’t ready, why force him? He has to be ready first! How do you make a man feel more “ready” to love and commit to you?  That’s the best part:

Make Him Lower His Defences

If you want a man to start seeing you as a lover and not just a bed friend, then you have to lower his defences. As I mentioned before, he just might be a wounded soul. He may have some unresolved issues in the past  keeping him from spending his future with you. What are those issues? What does he need to get over those issues? And how can you help? That’s the main challenge of dating an emotionally unavailable man! In the beginning, he may not want to tell you about his past. He may not trust you 100% just yet. And it’s easy to take that personally. Worse, if you nag him about it, or criticize him for not trusting you, then he just might withdraw entirely and when he does, there’s nothing you can do to get him back. Don’t make that mistake!

It’s a gradual process ladies, make him trust you gradually and completely. To the best relationships we all deserve, good luck in love and life. Cheers.