DEBO OLADIMEJI spoke to people with varied practical experiences of polygamy

SOME who find themselves in the polygamous setting are advising others against it. Mrs X said that though she’s enjoying her marriage as the third wife, she will not advise her children to go into polygamy. “I prefer monogamy. I will not encourage my children to go into polygamy,” she said.

She admitted that before she went into polygamy, she prepared her mind for what she was going into. “My mind was really prepared for what I was going to put up with. And to me I can’t see anything wrong in it. Once you know what you are going into and you prepare yourself very well.”

With wisdom, she said she has been able to cope. According to her a man that is married to one wife has one challenge. If he is married to two wives, he has two challenges. “That is what is happening in that set up. To have the resources is important. It is not good for you to overstep your boundary. If you don’t have the resources to marry more than one wife, don’t go into it.”

For Micellines Olopade, 68, a Catholic, he would have been contended with one wife but for the fact that he did not want to have the same experience his mother had: His mother gave birth to five children but only one (himself) survived.

His first wife, Ruth gave birth to two children, a boy and a girl before he married another wife.

“After I married my second wife she gave birth to four children, one boy and three girls,” he said.

He warned that it is not good for people to marry one wife and have concubines. He asked God for forgiveness for marrying two wives, but he beats his chest that he doesn’t have concubines.

“My mother was the first wife of my father. My father had three wives. He was also a Catholic,” he said.

Olopade explains: “When I married my first wife, our love is like that of Romeo and Juliet. Then my second wife, Alice later joined. But it is like I have the same level of love for my two wives…”he said.

He is happy that his children are all doing well. “One is a trader and some are in school. My wives have never fought,” he said.

Alhaji Chief Tajudeen Suberu Ododo, Baale (traditional ruler) Ije- Ododo in Iba Local Council Development Area (LCDA), Lagos said that the issue of polygamy is in accordance with God’s injunction in the Quran. “I have many wives. My first wife is late, the fourth one is late as well…” he said.

Ododo maintains that God wants us to marry more than one wife. “That is why God created more females,” he said.

The traditional ruler explained that the Quran permits people to marry more than one wife. “The most important thing is for you to take good care of  your wives,” he said.

The Baale disclosed that there is an advantage in marrying more than one wife. “But everything has to do with your star,” he said.

With hindsight, he said that in those days his first wife used to give her nod for her to marry a new wife.

“Once a woman was pregnant for me I would tell Abeni (his first wife): ‘I have offended you because I have impregnated another woman,” he said.

His latest wife, Mrs. Bukola Ododo, 40, is the 12th wife of the Baale:

“Everybody knows that polygamy has its downsides,” she concurred.

She said that a lot of men had died as a result of polygamy-- due to problem emanating from jealousy among their wives.

Bukola said that it is not good for a man to marry more than one wife. “It always ended up in regret. But I am not praying that my husband’s own should be like that. He is a traditional ruler, I cannot say that he should not marry another woman. I only pray for long life and good health for him,” she said.

She reminisced that she is from a monogamous background.

“My father is late and till today my mother did not remarry. One wife one problem and vice-versa. People should be satisfied with one wife. Do not have concubine. It can lead to HIV- AIDS,” she warned.

She added that unless a woman loses her husband very early in life there is no need for  her to remarry.

“It is God that predestined that I will marry Kabiyesi( traditional ruler) because I tried my best not to marry him,” she said.

On his part Waheed Olajide, a trader, said that people should not marry more than one wife.

“I am a true Muslim. But I have learnt that it is not good to marry more than one wife. My father married four wives. My mother, Seliat, is the first wife,” he said.

From experience, he said that to marry more than one wife is a big problem.

“May be your first wife has had like four children before you married the second wife. The new wife will want to have equal number of children with the old wife,” he said.

For peace to reign in the family, he said one should marry one wife.

Olajide said he is not going to have more than one wife. “My father had five wives. Due to family problem I spent almost three years in the womb of my mother before I was born. According to the story, I was as black as a charcoal,” he said.

He stressed that there is no way a man can have equal love for his two wives. “Although my religion allows a person to marry up to four wives, provided you can have equal love for them. But there is no way a man would have one love for his two wives,” he said.