(At the African Command Headquarters of the Combat Regiment… Enter the top Brass, Officers and men; The GSO, Col. Tongue Cutter, Biko Harum, Major Olakankita Olakampo, Major 419 Utueke, Brigadier One Leg Atamuna, the Prince from Igalla land)

Brigadier One Leg Atamuna: Col., muster the parade and give me the SITREP

Col. Tongue Cutter Biko Harum: Sir, we have sad news.

Brigadier One Leg Atamuna: Give it to me! There is nothing like good or bad news in the Army. Good or bad, the boots are on the ground.

Col. Tongue Cutter Biko Harum: The C.I.C proclaimed A State of Emergency on three Sharai States of the bomb-exploding North. The war is finally declared. The faceless insurgents crossed the red line when they blasted those three Luxury buses in Kano.

Major 419 Utueke: The quake of that blast was felt in China. That Tsunami blast uprooted my containers in Malaysia. Ewoo! Umu Israel will never see the end of their blood flow in this Niger Country!

Major Olakampo Olakankita: The Heavy casually list include, The Tribune Publisher. Nigeria lost the only surviving son of the Sage in a motor accident not very far from the spot where his only brother died some 50 years ago. On this particular spot, Ibadan fire-eater and former N.C.N.C juggernaut, “Peculiarmess” Alhaji Adegoke Adelabu was crushed to death in another inexplicable auto accident.

Col. Atamuna: Remain on Attention, Col. By my traditional placing as the Prince of Igalla land the next SITREP is entirely my call. The New York Senate, The BBC, CNN, Sky News, Washington Post, New York Times, Christian Science Monitor, The Ebony, London Guardian, The Shanghai Times, Nairobi Standard, Four Presidents, Mandela, the world; shriek with heavy hearts on the passage of the Last Book, The African Deity, The First World Citizen, Chinualumogu Albert Achebe, Agaba Idemili.

You are ordered to cover his Memorial Program and secure his Casket from Abuja to his Internment at Ogidi.

Sergeant Okon Bassey: The Judases, those Governors of Rome are at it again. They are approaching the Casket, siren wailing and whipping the streets, behind an armored black column of 3,000 bullet proof Jeeps!

Major Olakampo Olakankita: Sir, there is an urgent call from a German Hospital…  “General One Leg Atamuna, this is the Dame. The First Lioness of the African Tribe of Breasts, And Beasts. (ATBB) Abuja. We are sorry for the death of the Professor. On behalf of my fellow widows, we demand for the professor’s lost legs, his brains, his sexy black beret, his body complete with his manhood.

Major 419 Utueke: Chineke! This Dame again! She wanted Ikemba’s manhood. If she is seeking Umu Israel brains and body parts, let somebody call me. I’ m 419 Utueke alias, “Onitsha Black Market.” I sell human tongues, fresh liver, kidneys and human heads once the market closes at dusk.

Major Olakampo Olankankita: (peering thru his military binoculars) Sir, I see movement to the right flank towards the direction of the Ogidi Kankafo. I suspect they are the well-nourished RENIGRADE battalion. Led by General Mark Golf, formally of the Abandoned Properties Ordinance Depot, Port Harcourt. Sprinting behind him is the Presidential Hopeful, Tombal boy, the permanently AWOL leader of the lower Asylum.

Major 419 Utueke: Determined to grab the body and deliver to the highest bidder my kinsmen Senators of Rome have overtaken the wailing Jeeps. These Roman Senators did not raise any fingers of concern when Umu Israel were bombed in Kano; did nothing when students of Umu Israel had their throats cut inside their dormitories in one of the States the C.I.C has placed under Emergency Rules.

Major Olakampo Olankankita: I can identify those Okoro chop-chop Senators. I see their massive protoplasm covered by Russian winter red caps….okpu ododo

Col. Tongue Cutter Biko Haram: Sir, The Governors of Rome and the Senators of Rome have joined forces and their armada and sirens have surrounded the body of the African Literary Icon. Sir, you must give the orders or the Renegrade Brigade will assault the Casket.

Sergeant Okon Bassey: Sir, the G.O.C is circling to land. You must call the Parade to Attention!

…. the G.O.C , followed by a frightening array of monster masquerades, whose sudden materialisation from the thin air created a stir and retreat from all… the dreadful Otakagu came from Imo, Evil Forest smoking from his head, came from Nnewi, Ekwensu, dangling a white cock, arrived from Uli. Reinforcing the dangerous company, Ojionu Abagana mystified the scene, by brandishing a basket, cupping some drinking water. IyaAgba uku, Nkanu WaWa deadliest Spirit, from nowhere made only two jumps and instantly the ugly Masquerade was up there on the NEPA poles. Without much gravitas, it started eating up the frying, and lightening live wires!. The Renegrade Brigade and their Kill and Go Officers were transfixed in wonder as the Ogba mgbada Akokwa sat on his box, (Akpati Ogwu) and right away from that box uncoiled a large spitting Cobra!

The Pandemonium was turning into an Earthquake when the G.O.C mounted the podium. Suddenly, the G.O.C was instantly transformed. His military wear turned into an all white apparels of an Indian polo shirt on a Scottish quiltlike mbenu ukwu.  The G.O.C nostrils breathing out tons of angry African bees, set the Renegrade Brigade to their heels as all eyes turned to Obodo Awu, the deadly Country Bee Masquerade from the dreaded Anioma Ewulu Community. This is the king Masquerade that knows no friends or foes. Before the G.O.C would cough out another bee, the monster all red and black Ogre had seized the Casket.

G.O.C : Obodo Awu, the proud forward flag of our ancestors, I salute you. Otakagu, Ajofia, the Evil Forest, Okwomma Enugu Ukwu, Emwere Aka Ogbumadu of Ogbunike… Members of the Masquerade Cult, on your behalf, I seek to say Goodbye to our son, Agaba Idemili. We do so in humble gratitude for the privilege of having come close to one of the greatest citizens of the Century.

Chinua Achebe as the Agaba Idemili is immortal.

Recently, I was initiated into that rarefied circle of immortality as the Onyeamuma Odezuluigbo, Ogbueshi Asaba. In the sacred language of the Ndichie Umen, I now seek to say Goodbye.

Agaba Ogilisi Idemili, I greet you, onye nkuzi uwa, agwo ndu

Amuma Niger na ekene yi;

Ka omesia

Udo diri gi

Egwu egwu ana