Guardian

USE these days to get outside and spend some time walking, contemplating and simply noticing the life and beautiful things around you. Do this regularly to get back into the swing of the world. Don’t try too hard – just let the warmth of the sun wash over you, the sounds of the world flow through you and the beauty of the trees, architecture, artwork, routines and busy activities remind you that the world is ever present and that there is beauty in it. Listen for bird song and the sounds of people going about their everyday business. Yes, life does go on and you deserve to be a part of it and to eventually rejoin the daily routine

Allow time to heal. Time will heal through allowing you to remember the good things and to start honoring the lost through a renewed determination to enjoy your life more fully. You won’t ever forget those you’ve loved. Nor will you misplace the inner strength that drove you to seek lost goals or achievements. What may change is how you approach your life from this point – there may be a sharpened focus, a new sense of value or a totally changed perspective about certain aspects of your life. All of that is good because it’s part of your growth and part of you learning how loss can be turned into a way of redirecting your life’s path, reminding you that life is precious and that you’re responsible for making the most of your time here.


Sometimes you can get stuck in a bind of wanting to ensure that you’re grieving properly, and as such you might find yourself extending grieving past when you’re ready to move on. There is no right or wrong time length for grieving; for every person it is very different and healing has its own personal pace, including ups and downs during the grieving time. Expect to be gentle on yourself at any time but don’t draw deadlines on grieving or postpone your happiness either; listen to your feelings and do what feels right inside.

Don’t let the “if-only” feelings take over. “If only I’d been nicer.” “If only I’d made time to visit more often.”

Music can be a very soothing way to cope when you’re feeling loss and pain. Try to move from sad to more upbeat songs though, or you may cause yourself to feel sad just by listening to sad music for a long time.

If someone tells you to “get over it,” don’t argue with him or her. This will just make you feel even worse, because it will make you feel as though you carry a weaker tolerance for emotions than someone else. In other words, you’ll begin to believe that there is actually a problem with the way you are dealing with the grief, when there really isn’t. This is just how you feel. Just don’t listen to them, because they don’t know what kind of relationship you had with the loved one. You will heal in your own way on your own time.

Life is beautiful – it has many wonderful surprises in store for you. So go ahead and smile, visit new places, and meet new people.

You are free to think of other things. There is nothing that says you have to keep dwelling on the loss to prove your sadness or to show others how much the loss means to you. People already know that you’re devastated; you don’t have to prove or explain anything.

Love yourself. If you fall (and you will fall), laugh at yourself, kick yourself in the butt and go on.

Grief works in its own unique cycles, and it varies from person to person. Not everyone will heal right away, and then again, not everyone will be morbidly upset, either.

Remember that every person feels differently. Don’t be worried if you find you are having a harder time healing than another, even over the same loss. This usually shows how close you and the loved one really were. Some people will not cry, while it may take others months to stop.

Don’t regret anything. Don’t put yourself down because you didn’t have the chance to say you were sorry or “I love you” or “goodbye”. You can still say it.