“MY ideal woman is soft and considerate. I have a hot temper, so I need a partner who calms me down.
“I want a man who shows me love and affection.”
You hear the above expressions among intending couples. And they not only say what is desired in a life partner, they confess that persons who make such wishes do not possess the qualities they seek in potentials. These therefore are people who deliberately look for opposites to match themselves. So, I believe that when we look for that person who complements us in a relationship, we seek the one who is opposite to our personalities. Some are very much aware that they would not want to live with or marry someone who is like them but some fall in love with their opposites without knowing why.
For example, a man who has the tendency to party non-stop realizes his weakness and he knows that his lifestyle would not favour him when he begins to raise a family. He therefore may not choose to settle down with a woman he knows to be more at home in a night club than in a kitchen. He deliberately and consciously looks for a homely woman who would not only know how to tolerate his behaviour, but would teach him how to become a more homely person.
But those who do not deliberately marry others who share no interest with them, do so because they recognize that their partners possess what is missing in themselves. Hence, I agree with the opinion that nobody chooses a life partner blindly. I agree that nurture and experiences predetermine what we seek in a relationship.
Example of nurture deciding who you marry is that the average male would look for a woman who looks up to him as the leader of the household. It hardly makes sense in this modern time of equality of genders. But the woman knows that for peace to reign in that household, she has to play along. Ordinarily, he may not have wanted to marry a woman who could earn an income outside the home, bear and rear children and still respect him as head of the family. So he feels strongly attracted to her. But the major reason may be that he wants to learn how she can manage it all.
The woman on the other hand may discover that although her income enables her to live an independent life, she feels incomplete without a man. So she falls in love with that one who does not feel intimidated by her success. He admires her way of life. And she feels complete because she is able to find a man who makes her feel dependent, the way a woman has been raised to with with her partner.
Their love life may raise eyebrows here and cause tongues to wag, but left to them, they have found their ideal match and are living life the way they want it. And it would be better if “concerned people” could mind their business. Grit your teeth, shake your head and pray that it does work well for them.
Like you, they are managing their lives. They may not appear happy because of the constant argument. But look at your own relationship; you may not be similar to your better half at all. You may not fight because you have found ways to go through life together. For example, a woman who sees her husband as a father figure is not on equal footing as her husband. But she realizes that she has to behave like a child to make him stay committed. She thinks that if she is needy and dependent, he forgets that he wants to depend on his better half. But when you see your partner as a parent, there is a problem of dependency and trust. There are many ways we marry our opposites and still succeed because we admire them for who they are. How do you relate? According experts, opposites will always manifest in these forms.
Master and slave?
You have a problem with authority and control. If you earn equally, one partner may become insecure. To exert authority, he may take over the house hold expenses. The partner who fears responsibility does not protest because she thinks that her better half is too stubborn or domineering and gives in easily.
Distance and pursuer
They are both afraid of intimacy and feel alright that while one person may claim to be neglected, that he/she does not necessary crave for it. So they have the freedom to do what they like in their relationship.
Idol and worshipper
When one partner rates the other higher it means that they have a problem with competition. In order not give room for comparison, both partners unconsciously agree to play this game.
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