“And Adam knew Eve his wife,…” Gen. 4 vs 1
“Then said Mary unto the angel, how shall this be, seeing I know not a man” Luke 1 vs 34
“Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying. After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my Lord being old also? Gen. 18 vs 12
HAVING shared my opinion on sexual problems encountered in marriages, I received a lot of responses. Yet I need clear certain assumptions.
* I am not a doctor, just a pastor and counselor
* I do not recommend drugs. I mentioned Viagra but did not recommend the use or disuse of it. But if anyone needs drugs for treatment of ailments related to sex, the one should consult a professional health officer. There are good drugs at the pharmacy these days.
* Most of the practical ways of solving sexual dysfunctions have been indirectly stated in the articles. So I suggest we go back to some of those write-ups, we would notice some very effective practical ways to enhance performance.
* I want to recommend that we go through all the articles in this column. If possible, you can browse the internet and get former articles so related. It would really help.
* Feel free to send messages. If we have not replied, we will soon. I do sincerely appreciate all counsels, prayers, suggestions and questions. We are equally committed to you. And I trust God soon everything will be fine in your marriages and personal lives. Answers will come.
* I am aware that there are single persons reading this column too; our prayer is that God will guide you and help you fit rightly in destiny’s path.
In this edition, I want to tell us that we can have a satisfying sex in our marriages in spite of all odds. If we approach our seeming challenge rightly, it won’t be a hindrance to the bliss we expect in our affairs.
The word ‘sanctified’ actually means separated for a purpose. When something is separated like that, we term it ‘sacred’. Sacred things are satisfying, wholesome, and soul-lifting. So should sex with our spouses be.
Sarah had ‘pleasure’ with her husband at 100 years of age. How can a man at that age give pleasure in sex? I will share a few things I have discovered that can make you enjoy your sexual relationship.
* Share it with your rightful partner. Once you are married, see your spouse as the one you are meant to share that wonderful experience with. If you love a person, it is not really difficult to make love to him or her. Love your spouse, outside sex, and the sex itself would be satisfying. Love can be learnt. Someone said mothers love their children in a special way because they actually bore them in the womb for nine months and gave them suck. I don’t agree. People have loved some children they thought were theirs… just thinking the children were theirs stirred up a strong bond. Love is simply an awareness, acceptance, value. Just accept your spouse as part of your life, and you will notice the dramatic change in your emotion, and the pull will be strong.
* Stay healthy. Eat right, exercise often. Don’t take it for granted. Deliberately plan your meals. Vegetables, fruits, proteins, are very nourishing. It has to be balanced. Exercise at least twice a week. It is easy. No one needs inspect you. Just skip till you sweat, or go swimming. It will keep you in shape. Also, keep your mind properly exercised. Play games, puzzles, solve mathematics or read materials that would stimulate the mind intellectually. Write exams! Engage in a quiz or debate. More than anything, our mind affects our performance. Read a little biology, study human body. You will do a better sex.
* Never compare. We are all different. We live in a performance-based generation. And the way we measure performance is bad. We often overlook the huge difference in our make-ups and experiences. In trying to make the world a global village, we try to become what we are not. God had ‘determined the times before appointed and the bounds of their habitation’ (Acts 17 vs 26). When we were born, place, and parents, and experiences are unique features of our make-up and destiny. We are not supposed to do things exactly the way someone else does them. See our heights, colours, dispositions, languages, friends, people we met, changes along our lives. Don’t expect anyone to ‘perform’ like the porn star in the movie. I am not against learning and change, am only saying we should not forget our uniqueness. It would reflect even in our new learning’s. There are things we shouldn’t change. So, while you improve on performance, make sure it is you; make sure you present exactly your size of penis or boobs, or whatever the way God made you. We can only be the best of ourselves even in sex. Please understand your spouse, and stop expecting what they can’t offer. We worry about the size of the breast or penis. Even a man’s nipples and buttocks can be very exciting. The whole body is covered with the largest sex organ in the world – The skin – explore it! Kiss, hug, nibble, stroke, tickle, squeeze, add any other thing… longer foreplay guarantees satisfaction in sex.
* Have a positive outlook on life. The bible says Abraham’s body was dead (like weak erection or totally impotent, Rom. 4 vs 19 – 20). But he had pleasure with his wife! How? He was weak in body but ‘strong in faith’. Sarah was his wife, he made love to her anyway! She was barren, but they had sex! Some of us have allowed depression, expectations of the society to rob us of the joy of living. Life is too short to belittle, my friends. Enjoy the moment. Find each other. Ravish the body, enjoy what you have. See, have fun. The desire to have orgasm have caused a lot of problems in sexual relationships. We can improvise! I personally do not see what is wrong in using sex toys (of course with your spouse); if it would guarantee the satisfaction, and hasten orgasm. Sex is more of touches than ‘banging’ and ‘jerking off’ (see Gen. 20 vs 6, 4; I Cor. 7 vs 1 – 2). Just enjoy it! Abraham was giving glory to God. Be thankful. Miracles will happens in your home. Be lively and happy. Avoid endless quarrels. Settle it quickly.
* How about making love without sex? See, sex is wonderful. It lowers stress and blood pressure, boosts immunity, burns calories creates better self-esteem, creates deeper intimacy, boosts body’s painkillers (endorphins), guarantees better sleep. Sex helps define who we are and how we connect with life. But I need to tell you that our sexual enjoyment extends far beyond the immediate physical crescendo. It should have significance in our broader fulfillment. More than sex, we need love. Do we share intimacy, secrets, lay bare our sensitivity and vulnerability? Do we connect deep in the souls? I would rather have a soul-mate than a bedmate!
We need each other beyond the folds of bed sheets, or the rush of morning sex. That whole exhaustion would be meaningless if we don’t know how to make love to the heart! The greatest feeling in the world is not that of sex, but to know that someone in this world thinks of your more than anything or anyone else. Have you achieved that?
E. C. SAMUEL
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