WHEN you have gone out for several years and your guy refuses to propose marriage, give him an ultimatum. Declare that if he does not value your love enough to make it permanent you are calling it quits. Look at it this way; what is the point of staying together for five or six years without the marriage vows. If you have spent such long a time in a relationship, you have done so much together you should not fear to live together until forever after. Make demands, ask for that engagement ring, tell him that the altar beckons and you want him by your side at all times.
Yes, these five years have been wonderful with him, but you feel that it would even be more enchanting if you wear that wedding gown and with him in his cute suit, looking so desirable. Give him a time frame, suggest that if the wedding photographs are not up on your walls by October 2013, that you will be miserable. Prod him, if you keep quiet, he will assume that you are comfortable with the slow pace.
Many men like relationships that have no strings attached. And as in any long-term relationship, you are already doing things that a wife does —- cooking, cleaning etc. And if you do not hint that you want a marriage, he would assume that you too desire a situation where you could wake up one day and end everything because you have become bored. But a man who could spend such a long time with you may have permanency in mind and could surprise you by announcing it to another woman.
My male friend lived with a woman for four years. Their second year together, she gave birth to a baby boy. She assumed that living together assured his commitment to her. At the boy’s second birthday, he married another woman in a big wedding. His explanation was that the mother of his first child did not appear interested in marrying him so he never asked her. Although a pregnancy may open the eyes of some men to the good qualities of their girl friends and inspire them to wed, it does not work with some.
If you know that you want to spend you life with him and you are sure that he feels the same way about you, give him an ultimatum that you want to get married soon. Make sure not to sound threatening. Handing out an ultimatum is not the issue, but how you do it. You are not giving him an order but asking him to share the rest of his life with you.
Tell him for example that you have enjoyed happy and challenging times together and you know now that that the two of you can conquer this world together, side by side. But in asking him to share his life, you are also offering yours. You are therefore not pleading. Just know how to present your case.
Know the Right Time
You cannot be giving a man a marching order when your relationship is only six months. If you have met only four months ago, you cannot ask him to choose to marry or lose you. But that does not mean that two people who have known each other for only six months do not marry and live happily together. But the couple who take this giant step may know at first sight that they want to live together forever. So they do not need to issue deadlines.
But one year on, you can know, certainly that you go a long way together. You do not have to wait for seven or 10 years.
When you make that demand, tell him what you want--marriage. Do not speak in tongue by dropping hints, he would not understand. If you use words like “Eh the other day, my mother asked me when we are getting married… If you take that line, his answer will likely be ‘what is her business?’
Start by saying good things, “I have enjoyed this period of knowing you, but I want us to make a progress.”
Having said your mind, give him time to think over what you said. Do not mention it again for some time. Look for ways to make your relationship better.
If he thinks over your words, his reply will decide what happens next – whether he wants to marry you or not. Some men are blunt to the point of brutality. My friend who married another woman told the mother of his child that he never thought of marriage to her and felt trapped with her pregnancy.
So he may tell you that all he wanted was a good time and thought that you felt the same way. This means that he does not want marriage to you, now and in the foreseeable future. He may also say that he is not ready to get married yet. Therefore the decision to hang around until he is ready would be yours to make.
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