Guardian

I stopped loving him

I am married to a man I loved so much. God blessed us with two beautiful kids and for the first three years, he adored me a lot and I respected him also.

It all started some two years ago when one day I came back from work and an argument ensued between us. He gave me the beating of my life but he later apologised and I forgave him.

Last year November, he repeated the same thing. The interesting part of it is that our second child was barely two months old then. It happened around 2am and all because I asked him to take our first child to the hospital for proper care.

A week before this incident, I had given him 90 per cent of my salary to add to what he had for the payment of the house rent. Still, he wanted me to foot the hospital bill. That was what led to the argument when he gave me another beating that midnight.

Since then, I have been finding it hard to forgive him although he has been trying to make amends but I think it is too late because I have stopped loving him. He opened my eyes to so many things and I have stopped assisting him financially. Sometimes I think of quitting because honestly, I am not happy with him anymore.

Please, do you think I can still love and appreciate him or do I call it quits?

Yours,

Pat

Dear Pat,

It has been said that once a man starts beating his wife, he’ll do it again and again. There is absolutely no justification for a man to beat his wife and so, it is understandable the way you now feel about your husband.

There are many reasons men beat their wives. Chief among these is insecurity brought about by fear and inferiority complex. Perhaps you are earning more than him and this is a situation that doesn’t go down well with most men.

However, you might still need to take your time and give careful consideration to many things before finally deciding on what to do. For instance, you have two children that are still pretty young.

So, you might want to start by advising your husband to go for counseling when he is in a sober mood. Since he tries to make up after beating you each time, there is still the possibility of his changing for better after proper professional handling.

If he realises he is being very unfair to you and killing the love you have for him whenever he vents his frustrations on you, perhaps he’ll overcome this urge and get a hold on himself.

In the meantime, try avoiding doing or saying things that are likely to provoke him into beating you but if the situation continues to degenerate, it is better you leave his vicinity before the worst happens.

Re: Do I give in to him?

I am not comfortable with your advice to the lady. She is not a baby; so I don’t see why she should seek the counsel of her parents. What if they give her the wrong advice? Not everyone knows how to give good advice even if they mean well.

The right advice, therefore, is to stick to her no marriage, no sex stance. That is the right thing to do. We men can go to any length to have a woman even after seeing her parents. What of AIDS?

Thanks,

Olufemi