Dear Relationship Angel,
I trusted him for five years ... only to find out that it was all a lie! I decided to give him another chance but how do I trust him again? After everything that he has done to me ... averaging an affair a year including one after we got back together ... how do I trust him? There is another woman that he is talking to that I have never heard of. He says they are just friends and he has known her forever yet I have never heard of her! He is writing her emails, which is where most of the other affairs started. He has a picture of her on his phone, and the second I walked in, he closed the letter he was writing to her.
When I tell him to prove my suspicions wrong, he says either I get over it or he is going to get pissed off at me. In the past when nothing was going on, he would just show me. Now, he says that he does not need me being a private investigator.
We are in year six now and I do not know how to move forward when he keeps so many secrets! Should I trust him blindly or should I be afraid? Am I right and if I am, what do I do? I know in my heart of hearts I cannot go through all of this again. I am pregnant with our third child and he is not here for me. He does not care if I am hurting; I am just supposed to GET OVER IT!
Angel’s Advice:
Have you done anything wrong to give rise to this kind of attitude from him? Examine your conscience to be sure you’re not the cause. However, this appears to be an abusive relationship since your husband thinks he can do what he likes and get away with it, especially by saying that it is ‘either you get over it or he’s going to get pissed off at you’. You have a right to do what you think is right, if you feel you can’t tolerate his abuse anymore.
However, if you still want to be with him, you can try to make your marriage work by calling him for a serious discussion and expressing your feelings and politely demanding a change of attitude from him. If he fails to listen to you and persists in such irresponsible behaviour, report to his parents, spiritual director or anyone whom he respects to talk sense into him. Does he still want to be with you, or is he acting this way because he wants a divorce? You can’t force someone to be with you against his will. If he wants a separation, let him go.
*Send your comments/stories to The Relationship Angel.
E-mail: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Call 07031028714. For free marriage/relationships counseling, call Mike 07031028714, Chris 08023913619 or Ngozi 08099336504. Go to www.romancestory.org
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