Why Guys Lie

I WAS fed up with my friend’s lies and was thinking of calling it quits with him. He tells lies about anything, even concerning issues that should not bring disagreements.

He has his good points, however, so I decided to seek the opinion of an elderly man. But rather than agree with me, he asked sharply: “Do you tell lies yourself?” I was confused until he explained that ‘little white lies should not ruin a relationship.’

“I feel I have gone to the wrong person. Am I right? I still cannot feel comfortable with someone you could not believe what he says.”

Admittedly, lies or half-truths make us uncomfortable. In relationships with our female friends, we choose not to take seriously what our friends who paint over information say to us. We know them for what makes them that way- they feel insecure.

But the man may not be completely wrong about “little white lies” ending a relationship. But it does not mean that we should allow our partners to pull the wool over our eyes.

I think that is what the man was driving at; that you should examine your own behaviour and try to be what you expect of your better half. Be more understanding and he will know that you care about what he does and the consequences.

But we don’t like it when we are fed the lies. “They say that women lie, but men lie more,” observes a friend.

One Sunday, when I was still single, I went out with my friend and a man she was dating. At the first sight of this man, I marveled at how my friend always caught the best ones- handsome, well manicured fingers nails that he extended for all to see, well-groomed and tasteful too.

We had cruised around Lagos in his SUV before we ended up at a base in Ikeja.

“These nationals build this place? I asked him. It was there on the board.

No, was his reply, as he mentioned another country.

I was not convinced and his lack of information and obvious illiteracy was forgotten as we chatted, waiting for our host. When our host came, my friend asked him the question. It was the…

He confirmed what I said. I would not call it a confirmation, because anybody who travelled the world like this man knew the language.

But as the man said it, my friends date shouted: “I said so.” We were surprised.

What was he playing at, because I am sure he knew it? Did he want to deceive me? But the lie was not necessary.

And the next time I saw my friend, she said she raised the question because she wanted me to see him for who he is: One who lies virtually about everything.

“He is a pathological liar. Even when you catch him red-handed, he will deny it.”

Another friend said: “I could never tell when he is truthful. The next time we discuss the same thing, his statement will change.”

I refuse to call him a liar because I have seen that he does it to avoid an argument. His face and attitude screams lay off this matter. I may leave it at that, because I know that he tells the truth eventually.

I would say that my friend should take that man’s counsel, because we lie for many reasons and among them is that we feel ashamed of what we have done. We don’t really want to be found out. So, do men.

If a man has been cheating on his wife or girlfriend and is found out, he may lie to avoid a confrontation.

A man who is fond of bragging will lie. He wants to be seen as more powerful them he is.

That is why we should not judge the wealth of some we see riding big cars. Some do not just utter lies; they live it, as a troubled wife complained recently.

Her husband has kept her expectant by informing her of the money was he expecting. She had contributed her own share to the business, but what she saw was a sleek jeep.

Any wife or family should be happy, but not this wife, because they could afford it at that time, she had complained to close friends.

If he wants to avoid a quarrel, he will say that the sky is red if the untruth will make you leave him alone. He will say it and argue it until you leave the issue at hand to figure out the red sky.

If you notice that it is jet black, which underlines an inclement weather, insist on your observation and demand explanation. Repeat what a dark cloud means, stress that his actions makes you feel enveloped in a dark cloud too.

Be humorous about it if you find it funny. But say it in a stern, low voice when it is serious.

When your man does not give you the right information, frown, because he does not know how serious it is.

A woman knows, because she can connect to her feelings. So, she is regretful when she lies. She may never stop the habit, but she cries when she is found out.

But a man cannot think twice about his action. His behaviour has let him off the hook and that is what matters.

The good thing, however, is that he does not feel that the world ceases to exist if you lie to him.