‘My Husband Has Stopped Showing Me Affection And Has Gradually Become Extreme …’

It’s sad to learn about your marital troubles in the Nigerian Guardian Newspaper online at http://guardian.ng/2015/04/my-husband-has-stopped-showing-me-affection-and-has-gradually-become-extreme/.

I will advise you to first of all try to establish if your husband’s situation calls for medical attention or not. If it does, do everything within your reach to support, accommodate and encourage him. Secondly, I want you to understand that,marriage is a covenant, and according to the Holy Bible, what the Heavenly God has joined together, let no man put asunder.

It’s a fact that you and your spouse are from different backgrounds, you are two different persons that chose to love each other unconditionally in view of all your differences till death does you part.

More so, you said, your husband was lazy, has no good job, no car, and perhaps no ambition. How often have you said all these to his face? Have you taken a second look at your utterances, actions or inactions? You could be part of his problem especially if you have been constantly telling him how lack he is. These utterances could bring him down to depression.

I will employ you to take it easy with him and try to establish the immediate cause(s) of his emotional state of mind. Which part of the world do you reside? I am based in Canada.

I want to give you an example of a family friend of mine, based in Detroit, USA. During the 2008 economic depression in the United States, mostly affected by the crisis was the automobile industries across the US.

Till 2008, my friend was a senior manager at Ford Motor Company in Detroit, and when the depression started, he was one of the last people that lost their jobs in the industry.

Prior to his loss, he had a huge mortgage, an expansive mansion co-financed with his wife, a nurse by profession. He was the higher income earner in the household then.

But with the loss of his job in the summer of 2008, things went from good to worst. Keeping up with their huge mortgage and other bills became a big problem in the first hand and managing their big family (with six kids) and lifestyles became another huge problem on the other hand. However, if you remain faithful to God, HE has a way of walking you through the darkest moments, not to kill or maim you, but to make you come out of it stronger than before.

I could not count several times that my friend would come to me, complaining to me that he it had been two days he ate last. I borrowed him money many times that I lost track of how much he had collected. It is not a mistake when they say that behind every successful man, there must be a loving and devoted woman.

My friend’s problems continued for five good years as he was unable to secure jobs. The worst part is that, McDonald’s restaurant would not even give him the job to flip burgers in their restaurants.

In spite of his travails, God blessed him with a very loving and dedicated wife. The wife, being a nurse, stepped things up. She started working several overtimes, then holding two full-time jobs at two different clinics just to make ends meet. She swore that they would not lose their mortgage, and they did not. She became the breadwinner of their family and she never looked back. She did not give my friend any room to be depressed.

I cannot count the number of times my friend would call me telling me how miserable his life was, but what kept him going was the assurances that his wife kept telling him that better days were lying ahead of them. She would tell her husband how she dreamed of seeing him flying in his private jet. She submitted her body, love and thoughts to her husband more than before.

In spite of the pains of working two full-time jobs as a nurse, each time she made it home, she would make sure that she pleased her husband sexually.

To bring this story short, it was in the summer of 2013 when a third friend of us came up with a sub contract job that someone offered him which he instantly rejected, but hinted to those that offered him the job that he knew someone that could effectively do the job, and recommended our unemployed friend for the job.

This job offer came from one of the richest men in the USA. This man owns the Ambassador Bridge that runs from Detroit, USA to Windsor, Canada. Each day, this billionaire makes millions of dollars in toll collection.  The third friend that gave out this job never knew who was the real person behind the job he rejected.

This job is mainly to transport automobile parts from DTW (Detroit Metropolitan Airport) to the Automobile Assembly plants across Canada on a daily bases.

Once my friend was approved for this job, this billionaire approved an upfront of five million dollars to my friend to equip himself properly with the contract job.

My friend went ahead and purchased 20 Ford E350 vans, hired drivers after asking an organization to help him conduct background checks on his new staffs. He started work right away.

To cut this story short, from June to December of 2013, my friend declared a profit of over 600,000 dollars. In 2014, he made over two million dollars in profit.

His life is now far better than the one he lost in 2008, but very gracious to God this time and to the woman that stood solidly behind him during this difficult times. Our third friend became very jealous and my friend has greatly assisted him by paying off his mortgage and two hundred and fifty thousand dollars as compensation.

To this end, do not leave your hubby to his fate. See what you can do to assist him. Do not see him as a failure. Even though it could be glaring to you that things are not going the way they ought to be, choose your words carefully so as not to be sending wrong messages to him, instead encourage him to be at his very best.

Negative words could easily make a man to be very emotional and depressed, and when someone is depressed, it will be much harder to get his acts and thoughts together.

The toughest race is always won one step at a time. Take your time, get your acts together, be in a very positive mood towards your husband, and you will see that things will start taking shape according to God’s plan for you and your family.

I pray that the Lord will help you and your family to overcome your challenges. Be strong too because your better days are still lying ahead of you. God bless you and your home.

Good luck to you! Moses wrote from the city of Toronto, in the province of Ontario in Canada.  Let’s not crucify the man yet or jump into conclusion. They had a 11-year-old daughter, meaning the man had shown her affection for more than 11 years before the change of heart. I have one question for the woman: what did you do to the man that made him change drastically?